Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize