I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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