I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
