look no pants
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
