Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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