So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
