tell your sister to shave her snatch
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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