So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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