This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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