so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
