I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
