She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
