She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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