fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
