haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the day after is always just damage control
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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