Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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