can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
