He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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