dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
