I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
FUCK WHALES
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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