My liver just broke up with me...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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