Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
