I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can you bring me the toilet please
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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