If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm getting married
To pizza
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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