you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
