you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
