wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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