I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
