On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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