I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
