He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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