He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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