hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
