3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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