would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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