You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
