Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The maid of honor just puked.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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