How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
