Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
