I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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