You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
