I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
