I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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