I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
