I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
