So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
