So drunk its hurt
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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