You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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