Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
