She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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