stop calling my apartment porn island.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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