She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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