I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just pee around me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
