Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
