I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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