my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize