apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
