I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
