nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
