Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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