but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
