according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
