I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
