i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
