he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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