so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize