Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
