ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
