Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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