He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize