are you still at the devil's house?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
