is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
