I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
