So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I am morally bankrupt
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
