good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
