he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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