He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
