Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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