Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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