Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
