No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
