It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
