You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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