he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish you could order shots online.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
