I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
