I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
