I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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