Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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