whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
