I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize