How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
