I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize