you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
