I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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