seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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