there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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