im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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