great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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