So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
