I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize