Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
