i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
