i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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