I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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