She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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